Martin can't help feeling charmed by the setup, noting that John's taking pains to make it feel as informal as possible. They've never done this in his office before, and Martin's not unaware of the possibility that it'll feel more like giving a proper Statement, but it's clear John's keen to avoid that any way he can. Martin smiles at him, caught up for just a moment as he notices John's loosened tie—Christ, first the sleeves and now this, he really needs to pull himself together—before averting his gaze and settling in. He takes a moment to center himself, eating his croissant and think it over. He still isn't sure on a direction, but usually if he just starts talking, he ends up somewhere.
"Well," he says at length, "I remember when I was... let's see, would have been about eleven or twelve, I think? Whenever I needed to be out of the house, or... if I wanted to delay going home after school, you know. I'd go to the library. A handful of the librarians knew me by name after a while. I think they liked that I was quiet and predictable. They were mostly very nice, but I never wanted to bother them, so I figured out the filing system enough that I could track down what I wanted on my own. I think, at a push, you could say that's where I first realized I liked archival systems and organization, I mean, I didn't know yet that working in an archive was a thing you could do, and it's not like I had childhood dreams of working in admin, but... it was just a natural aptitude, I guess? Anyway."
He pauses to take a sip of tea. He hasn't entirely worked out where this is going yet—there are a lot of potential branching paths down this line of memories, and this isn't like giving a prompted Statement, the Eye neatly organizing it all into a linear format with only relevant details. He's just... wandering, finding it as he goes.
"You know, I read the entire Narnia series there?" He cracks a smile. "All seven of them. I didn't even bother checking them out, I'd just sit down somewhere and tear through them, it was a few-weeks-long project. I don't even remember them very well now. I went through them so fast and I... I don't think I ever read them again? Isn't that funny, they felt so important at the time."
He takes another sip, puzzling over it idly when all of a sudden he remembers why he never returned to them. He hesitates, his mouth twitching slightly, not sure he wants to commit to this particular memory, and not sure how to veer away from it now that he's recovered it. "Huh," he says softly. "Actually I... I haven't thought about this in a long time." He frowns down at his tea for a moment. "I forgot I was... I was actually spending so much time there, like reading an entire series instead of taking them home, because I was hiding from this boy from school. I don't... Christ, I don't even remember his name." He lifts a shoulder with a little huff. "He was a big kid. Held back a year, and... well, I was pretty small for my age. He'd been picking on me for a while, just... I dunno, I guess I was an easy target. I was really sensitive, and always on my own."
He cups his hand around the back of his neck, preemptively warming the inevitable chill that moves across it. Like bloody second nature.
"We had similar paths to take home from school, so... it just kind of happened. He never tried to steal anything, or... I mean, I didn't tend to have a lot of pocket money, but he also never asked. He never did anything to hurt me, either, it was just... a lot of teasing, really." He shifts uncomfortably. "Now that I think about it, it was probably pretty harmless. Maybe he was lonely, too."
He laughs, softly and without much humor. "But I didn't get that, so I just... spent a lot of time at the library, and that's when I read The Chronicles of Narnia, and... when I was on the last book, y'know, that one's kind of weird and depressing so I imagine I must have looked very serious, and then he just... found me. He must have followed me, I don't know. He snatched the book right out of my hands and when I looked up and saw him I was so startled I just started crying."
He looks away, feeling faintly embarrassed to admit this. "I don't think he expected that, just right out of the gate and in public, so he just stood there for a moment and one of the librarians came over and... she was one of the older ones, one of the not-so-nice ones. She just kicked us both out without ceremony so I was stuck outside with this boy and I felt so stupid for crying and... I think I shouted at him or something, told him to leave me alone. And I remember he just stood there and watched me go. At the time I was afraid he was going to chase me, but he didn't, and... I was just relieved."
He lets out a slow sigh, his thumb moving slowly up and down the smooth surface of his mug. "I did eventually finish The Last Battle, but I think between how weird I found it and all that, I burned out on the series very quick. And that boy left me alone after that, which was fine with me. I actually only really saw him one more time, which was... Well, a month or so later I'd become the target of some new bully, who had a little posse of friends. They were a lot worse. They really scared me. Looking back, I think... I don't know if that other boy was even a bully at all. I think he was just awkward and lonely and didn't know how to make friends. Just like me. These boys were just... cruel. There was a day after school where they had me cornered and I—I think they might have actually hurt me if... well, that boy ended up stepping in and told them to step off. I was so scared I didn't stop to think why. He was bigger than them, and he ended up beating the ringleader into the ground, and... that was the last time I saw him. I think he was expelled."
Martin stares at his tea, quiet for a while. "I haven't thought about this in years," he says. "So I'm only just realizing that... not only was I too awkward and, well, probably a little stuck-up about his being held back, too, to notice this boy was just trying to get to know me; I didn't even really appreciate that he actually protected me. I was only relieved that he was gone and that this new gang left me alone after. He probably could have been a really good friend, if I'd let him. But I don't even remember his name."
He finally looks at John, blinking sheepishly. "Er... sorry. That—that was a bit of a downer."
no subject
"Well," he says at length, "I remember when I was... let's see, would have been about eleven or twelve, I think? Whenever I needed to be out of the house, or... if I wanted to delay going home after school, you know. I'd go to the library. A handful of the librarians knew me by name after a while. I think they liked that I was quiet and predictable. They were mostly very nice, but I never wanted to bother them, so I figured out the filing system enough that I could track down what I wanted on my own. I think, at a push, you could say that's where I first realized I liked archival systems and organization, I mean, I didn't know yet that working in an archive was a thing you could do, and it's not like I had childhood dreams of working in admin, but... it was just a natural aptitude, I guess? Anyway."
He pauses to take a sip of tea. He hasn't entirely worked out where this is going yet—there are a lot of potential branching paths down this line of memories, and this isn't like giving a prompted Statement, the Eye neatly organizing it all into a linear format with only relevant details. He's just... wandering, finding it as he goes.
"You know, I read the entire Narnia series there?" He cracks a smile. "All seven of them. I didn't even bother checking them out, I'd just sit down somewhere and tear through them, it was a few-weeks-long project. I don't even remember them very well now. I went through them so fast and I... I don't think I ever read them again? Isn't that funny, they felt so important at the time."
He takes another sip, puzzling over it idly when all of a sudden he remembers why he never returned to them. He hesitates, his mouth twitching slightly, not sure he wants to commit to this particular memory, and not sure how to veer away from it now that he's recovered it. "Huh," he says softly. "Actually I... I haven't thought about this in a long time." He frowns down at his tea for a moment. "I forgot I was... I was actually spending so much time there, like reading an entire series instead of taking them home, because I was hiding from this boy from school. I don't... Christ, I don't even remember his name." He lifts a shoulder with a little huff. "He was a big kid. Held back a year, and... well, I was pretty small for my age. He'd been picking on me for a while, just... I dunno, I guess I was an easy target. I was really sensitive, and always on my own."
He cups his hand around the back of his neck, preemptively warming the inevitable chill that moves across it. Like bloody second nature.
"We had similar paths to take home from school, so... it just kind of happened. He never tried to steal anything, or... I mean, I didn't tend to have a lot of pocket money, but he also never asked. He never did anything to hurt me, either, it was just... a lot of teasing, really." He shifts uncomfortably. "Now that I think about it, it was probably pretty harmless. Maybe he was lonely, too."
He laughs, softly and without much humor. "But I didn't get that, so I just... spent a lot of time at the library, and that's when I read The Chronicles of Narnia, and... when I was on the last book, y'know, that one's kind of weird and depressing so I imagine I must have looked very serious, and then he just... found me. He must have followed me, I don't know. He snatched the book right out of my hands and when I looked up and saw him I was so startled I just started crying."
He looks away, feeling faintly embarrassed to admit this. "I don't think he expected that, just right out of the gate and in public, so he just stood there for a moment and one of the librarians came over and... she was one of the older ones, one of the not-so-nice ones. She just kicked us both out without ceremony so I was stuck outside with this boy and I felt so stupid for crying and... I think I shouted at him or something, told him to leave me alone. And I remember he just stood there and watched me go. At the time I was afraid he was going to chase me, but he didn't, and... I was just relieved."
He lets out a slow sigh, his thumb moving slowly up and down the smooth surface of his mug. "I did eventually finish The Last Battle, but I think between how weird I found it and all that, I burned out on the series very quick. And that boy left me alone after that, which was fine with me. I actually only really saw him one more time, which was... Well, a month or so later I'd become the target of some new bully, who had a little posse of friends. They were a lot worse. They really scared me. Looking back, I think... I don't know if that other boy was even a bully at all. I think he was just awkward and lonely and didn't know how to make friends. Just like me. These boys were just... cruel. There was a day after school where they had me cornered and I—I think they might have actually hurt me if... well, that boy ended up stepping in and told them to step off. I was so scared I didn't stop to think why. He was bigger than them, and he ended up beating the ringleader into the ground, and... that was the last time I saw him. I think he was expelled."
Martin stares at his tea, quiet for a while. "I haven't thought about this in years," he says. "So I'm only just realizing that... not only was I too awkward and, well, probably a little stuck-up about his being held back, too, to notice this boy was just trying to get to know me; I didn't even really appreciate that he actually protected me. I was only relieved that he was gone and that this new gang left me alone after. He probably could have been a really good friend, if I'd let him. But I don't even remember his name."
He finally looks at John, blinking sheepishly. "Er... sorry. That—that was a bit of a downer."