John laughs, like a real, actual laugh, and Martin is so staggered by it that for a moment all he can do is stare at him, doubled over from something he said. He's never heard John laugh; barely seen John smile, never knew John... had fun, ever. This is - it's so nice and new and different that it actually wraps back around toward being something that scares him. This isn't supposed to be him, sitting here and enjoying himself and, and making John laugh. Guilt hits him like a bus, overwhelming, dragging him down from his pleasant alcohol-induced haze, as he remembers that somewhere, in some universe, the world might well be about to end because he wasn't there to stop it. And he's... having drinks. With the person he was meant most to avoid.
Christ, what is he doing? Declaring himself broken off from the Lonely just like that, burning the bridge out from under him without a thought to the possibility of getting home. What's going to happen if they do go back, and he's completely undone all of Peter's work?
Then John looks at him, peering close, and remarks upon his name. It's so ridiculous that it shakes Martin loose from the creeping dread, back into the lull of the moment, and he snorts over the word 'mysterious'. "I dunno about that," he says, and finishes his drink. He's lost track of how many he's had by now. He sets the cup back down gingerly, and reaches out to top John off.
If they do go back, he can pick up where he left off, and Peter will simply have to cope. Peter needs him, after all; this isn't really a job security issue. Even if Peter is concerned about him... relapsing, so to speak, Martin knows he'll to do what needs to be done. That isn't negotiable. The worst of it won't be that he'll have failed due to unforeseen circumstances; it's how much the return to that form will hurt John.
It doesn't matter right now. It literally can't matter. He's been over this all - Christ, nearly a month already. These are desperate times, and John is all he has, and he went out to drink and have a good bloody time for once, and now that he's having it, he refuses to let the inherent unfamiliarity ruin it all. That's a feeling for tomorrow, when he's sober again.
"An' - and anyway," he says, "you're the..." he gestures for a while without purchase, not sure of the word he's actually looking for, "...guy. Got to have your name on it. The Sims Archive. Or... or something."
Actually, that does sound pretty bad, but he elects not to say so.
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Christ, what is he doing? Declaring himself broken off from the Lonely just like that, burning the bridge out from under him without a thought to the possibility of getting home. What's going to happen if they do go back, and he's completely undone all of Peter's work?
Then John looks at him, peering close, and remarks upon his name. It's so ridiculous that it shakes Martin loose from the creeping dread, back into the lull of the moment, and he snorts over the word 'mysterious'. "I dunno about that," he says, and finishes his drink. He's lost track of how many he's had by now. He sets the cup back down gingerly, and reaches out to top John off.
If they do go back, he can pick up where he left off, and Peter will simply have to cope. Peter needs him, after all; this isn't really a job security issue. Even if Peter is concerned about him... relapsing, so to speak, Martin knows he'll to do what needs to be done. That isn't negotiable. The worst of it won't be that he'll have failed due to unforeseen circumstances; it's how much the return to that form will hurt John.
It doesn't matter right now. It literally can't matter. He's been over this all - Christ, nearly a month already. These are desperate times, and John is all he has, and he went out to drink and have a good bloody time for once, and now that he's having it, he refuses to let the inherent unfamiliarity ruin it all. That's a feeling for tomorrow, when he's sober again.
"An' - and anyway," he says, "you're the..." he gestures for a while without purchase, not sure of the word he's actually looking for, "...guy. Got to have your name on it. The Sims Archive. Or... or something."
Actually, that does sound pretty bad, but he elects not to say so.