loficharm: (dread)
Martin Blackwood ([personal profile] loficharm) wrote 2020-08-06 11:47 pm (UTC)

cw: dissociation, some PTSD

Martin feels like he's coming untethered from the earth, like he'll either float away or dissipate entirely, the weight of all those staring eyes starting to making him shrink in on himself, making his shoulders itch as they hunch in a naturally defensive posture. Jyn hauls the man up and shoves him toward the door, not just kicking him out but spelling out the thing that just happened like this is some sort of teaching moment. Like training a dog to observe and recognize the mess it's made as something wrong. Martin feels a burst of nausea over it, which doesn't make sense, which feels so bloody ungrateful. But there are people looking, listening, murmuring about this beneath the thrum of music, and for an awful moment he really wishes he still remembered how to make himself vanish.

He blinks in bewilderment when she finally asks after him. He stammers slightly, not sure how to begin answering that, finally managing a far-too-quiet, "F-fine, yeah, I'm..."

He's not, and it's obvious, and he isn't interested in brushing her off; only in getting out of here, away from everyone else.

He starts toward the door without a backward glance, but barely makes it two steps before stuttering to a halt. Christ, that man only just left; what if he's still out there, lurking, planning some kind of retribution? Is that something people do? Jacob Riggs did; Jacob Riggs stalked him for a bloody month before ambushing him in the woods, and he didn't even know. He can't stay here, all eyes still on him, heat and noise and smells fast becoming overwhelming, but the outside world suddenly feels just as unsafe as it did in the month following that whole experience. Martin reaches out to grab loosely at Jyn's arm, halfway between lurching into it as if he needs her to support his weight, and trying to temper his own desperation under the vague suspicion she might not want to be touched.

"Can we go?" he says, raising his voice just a little, staring at her with a slightly unfocused gaze. "I just want to go."

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